God Rebuked Me!

 

So a little back story, in February of 2020 I acquired a horse. An Arabian gelding, Amir. Though he isn’t “papered” my equine vet believed Amir was 16 years old at the time. According to my vet, Arabs typically live well into their 30s for those who aren’t familiar with the breed. Amir had some hoof issues when I got him. Later we also found he had had multiple injuries to his neck, pastern and stifle (knee). I had the wonderful privilege of working with my vet and farrier to begin rehabilitating Amir for the next year and a half. I was utterly amazed that I got to call him mine. Beautiful with a BIG personality!

Who knew a month after I took ownership of Amir and boarded him in Delaware, Ohio covid19 would hit with a vengeance shutting everything down. It was easy to spend a lot of time with Amir especially since distractions were limited. We bonded quickly. I’m not real sure who rescued who to be honest. Amir’s favorite treat is a muffin made of barley, oats and wheat (all things I’m highly allergic to) and in the middle is a piece of peppermint. He likes them more than apples and carrots. Quite frankly, I can’t resist his knickers and sweet nays when he hears the bag open.

I purchased a new saddle and matching bridle. I bought a gel padded saddle blanket because it was better for Amir’s back. I had the farrier put shoes on all four hooves for support. I ordered the best circulation and hoof supplements. Amir was my first and only horse. God brought Amir into my life and I was determined to be a good steward. I was going to love him with all my heart.

I was taking Amir out for a ride one afternoon. I had been spending so much time with him that I recognized immediately something was off. He seemed to be favoring his front left a bit. Rather than making the injury worse I decided to give him rest. For the next week I allowed him to enjoy spa time, hand-walking and yummy grass during my daily visits.

Now, fast forward to my mom being admitted into the hospital and diagnosed with stage 4  brain cancer that had spread all over her body in late July 2021. Mom spent three nights at Grant Hospital. When she was released to go home, I helped Mom and Dad get settled and gave Dad an opportunity to run a few errands before I took off to see Amir. I really needed to decompress after spending the weekend driving back and forth to the hospital, church and back to the hospital. I couldn’t think of a better way to do it than to hang with Amir.

Upon arriving at the stables I could see Amir hobbling in his pasture. He was getting worse. I noticed his left pastern was swollen. Amir struggled to put weight on his front leg making it difficult to meet me in the pasture. Two days later I had Dr. Dave come out to do a lameness exam. We were going to determine if I needed to get Amir to an equine hospital.

I’ll take a moment to describe what a lameness exam is for those not in the equine world. Dr. Dave ran his hand around Amir’s pastern, fetlock and up his leg. He then injected a nerve blocking substance just above Amir’s hoof. I would then proceed to lunge (trot or canter) Amir and see if he was demonstrating pain symptoms. When he continued limping and nodding his head, Dr. Dave proceeded to numb the next area just under his fetlock (ankle), Amir stopped limping mostly when I lunged him again. Dr. Dave looked at me and sighed. He asked me if I knew what ringbone was? I didn’t. He told me to google it but essentially, I would have to retire the horse. Dr. Dave scheduled a follow-up appointment for the following week to come out to take x-rays and confirm the diagnosis. After he left, I stayed with Amir until the numbness wore off. The pain was even worse for him. I took him outside to his pasture so he could graze on green grass, loved on him for a bit and went home.

I immediately googled ringbone. Ringbone is a progressive disease in horses. It’s calcium build-up around a bone that has experienced traumatic injuries. A horse can be made comfortable in early stages, but it becomes quite painful once it’s progressed and therefore, the horse has to be put down. So, you mean I was just told by doctors that my mom is dying and NOW I’m reading that I may have to put my horse down if I can’t get him comfortable?! Worst week ever! It was everything I could do to hold it together. To top it off it was my birthday weekend. No offense to anyone but the last thing I wanted to do was be around a bunch of people celebrating and laughing when what I really wanted to do was put my fist through a wall and scream!

Shaun, who rarely plans anything, took the time to make dinner reservations and reserve a spot at Top Golf with all my friends and Landon. I got myself together, put on a smile and went along. I was fine talking about my mom but the time came when my friend’s son asked me about Amir and I crumbled. I ran to the rest room and broke down crying. It was too much. My heart hurt so bad. What was worse is I probably made Shaun and my friends feel awful. Needless to say, the evening was cut short after getting it together and just sitting with friends. We went home where I crashed from emotional exhaustion.

It was super early when I heard Shaun get up to let the dogs out. I could hear Asher barking at something in the backyard as Shaun was closing the back door. I had just begun to drift off to sleep again when I hear a deep, BOOMING voice say, “WHY ARE YOU IN FEAR!?!” It was that voice you heard your mom or dad use when they were cross with you. The voice you heard when you knew you were in serious trouble. My dad would use that voice when I was about to get my butt beat for lying or doing something stupid! I was so quickened! It was so loud yet I could still hear my own breathing. I realized God had just rebuked me! I had lost focus and allowed my faith to faulter over what others were telling me and what I saw with my own eyes. God was demanding my attention!

Isaiah 41:10 AMP – “Do not fear anything, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you;”

Some say God will heal if it’s in His will. Well let me say this, there is NOT one time in the New Testament of the Bible that someone asked Jesus to heal them and He said NO! NOT ONE TIME!! In fact, Jesus often replied it was their faith that healed them. Don’t believe me, show me in the Bible where it says otherwise.

You will never be able to tell me it wasn’t the voice of God getting my attention. I’ve been yelled at in anger before. I’ve been surprised and startled before. This was different. I was suddenly resolved that God wasn’t going to let me down. I need only trust in God. Seek Him. Love Him. Trust Him. I got up and went to church in the morning with expectancy. God was moving.

Again, there is still more to this story. It will continue to unfold and my hope is you walk away changed in some way knowing who God is because of my story. He is a mighty and powerful God. I’m blessed to serve Him and call Him my God!

God bless!